IDidntMakeAGame

i didn't make a game for this jam by classheikki <hr style="width:50%;border:1px solid #8876b5"> [[Okay.]] [[Why?]] (if: $playthrough is "yes")[[[So, is there any replay value here?]]] (else:)[ ]

Really? You're... just okay with it? <hr style="width:50%;border:1px solid #8876b5"> [[I'm sure you had your reasons.]] [[Of course I'm okay with it.]]

Well. That's the question, isn't it. I don't really know. <hr style="width:50%;border:1px solid #8876b5"> [[Was it because you couldn't find the time?]] [[Was it because you couldn't find motivation?]]

Hah. Well. In a sense, I guess I did. <hr style="width:50%;border:1px solid #8876b5"> [[Okay, now I'm curious...->Why?]] [[It's still okay. You don't have to make a game every jam.]]

I guess the thing is, I'm not. I've grown so used to being really productive in game jams that it feels so strange to not have anything to submit. It's like by now my friends at the jam expect me to last-minute say ''ta-dah'' and pull a cute and quirky game out of nowhere. With like really intricate graphics, and a cool idea based on the theme. <hr style="width:50%;border:1px solid #8876b5"> [[That sounds really cool.]] [[It's still okay. You don't have to make a game every jam.]]

//Jeesh//, by now I think we both know you can make a game in however long you give it time. But... Yeah, I didn't give myself the time to make a game. Or, I did //start// two. Kind of. <hr style="width:50%;border:1px solid #8876b5"> [[You did? Can I see?]] [[But what did you do instead?]] (if: $variablejoke is "yes")[ [[I'm still wondering why you didn't reset the global variables.]] ]

I mean, I've done some fifteenish game jams by now, but... Motivation's been pretty hard for me lately. Sure, there's the Corona thing going on, and the whole world is acting mad. But I feel like there's Other Stuff as well. I mean, I love it, and that's why I do game jams. I love making games. But... sometimes I don't love it. It feels like work. And then what is the point? So I think you're on to something. <hr style="width:50%;border:1px solid #8876b5"> [[It's okay. You don't have to make a game every jam.->It's still okay. You don't have to make a game every jam.]] [[Do you want to talk about the other stuff?]] (if: $variablejoke is "yes")[ [[I'm still wondering why you didn't reset the global variables.]] ]

Well here's a screenshot from one of them! <img src="media/images/doglife.png" width="90%"> So the theme for this jam was SAD GAMES. This one is called Dog's Life: Your dog is waiting. The clock is running. <hr style="width:50%;border:1px solid #8876b5"> [[I don't understand at all]] [[Why didn't you make that?]]

Uh... This? <img src="media/images/pulla.png" width="90%"> <hr style="width:50%;border:1px solid #8876b5"> [[Okay, that's better than making a game.]] [[Hmm. I still think you could have made a game.]]

I know, and I keep telling people that myself when I organize jams. //"There's no pressure to perform"// //"Your game can really be at any level"// //"It's okay if you don't know how to do anything, maybe you can like make coffee or voice act"// //"You can join just for the fun of it"// <hr style="width:50%;border:1px solid #8876b5"> [[Why is it so hard to believe yourself?]] [[Hmm. I still think you could have made a game.]]

It does, doesn't it? I even designed two games based on the theme. Like planned them out in my head and all. <hr style="width:50%;border:1px solid #8876b5"> [[You did? Can I see?]]

I know right? It's Mothersday tomorrow. So I had to make something. You know this image? <img src="media/images/flowers_img.png" width="90%"> It's actually just a Mothersday card. I did paint it during the jam, though. So even if I didn't make a game, I did do something creative. <hr style="width:50%;border:1px solid #8876b5"> [[Isn't this a game?]] [[So, is that it?]]

You're probably right. I definitely could have. Made a game, that is. But I didn't. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ <hr style="width:50%;border:1px solid #8876b5"> [[Isn't this a game?]] [[So, is that it?]]

//Well, stranger,// that went deep a little quick. But sure, it's not the first time I'm a little too honest, a little too soon. I am alone, it's 2:14 AM on a Saturday, and I upset a stranger online with a bad joke today, so what the hell. I feel frustrated with the state of the world in general. I feel afraid that what I do will never measure up. I feel inadequate. That no matter what I do, it still won't be enough. I feel exhausted. I feel lonely. <hr style="width:50%;border:1px solid #8876b5"> [[Okay, I didn't need to hear that.]] [[I think we all feel that way sometimes.]] [[Hmm. I still think you could have made a game.]]

I'm sorry, you asked. <hr style="width:50%;border:1px solid #8876b5"> [[So... What did you do instead of making a game?->But what did you do instead?]]

Yeah. I have been trying to cut myself some slack lately, but it's hard. It feels like I'm running out of time. Like I have a Birthday coming up in a week. I'll turn 28. I keep expecting myself to have gotten further in my life by now, done more, achieved more. But I'm too old to be a young prodigy. My mouth tastes like wasted potential. <hr style="width:50%;border:1px solid #8876b5"> [[It's still okay. You don't have to make a game every jam.]] [[Why do you believe that?->Why is it so hard to believe yourself?]]

(if: $variablejoke is "yes")[Okay, yeah, maybe. Maybe in this version this is a game. But I did call this interactive fiction earlier, and that's the genre I chose on itch.io. But I've always thought there's a muddy gray area there, gameful or gamified fiction. Not quite a full game, but some similarities. Like an IF with stats, or an IF with a small puzzle to it. There's a wonderful blog, //These Heterogenous Tasks,// that deals with game writing. In their post on standard patterns in choice-based game design, this thing would maybe now fall under //loop and grow//, where you're performing similar tasks but over time it slowly changes. I'm going to assume you're reading this in a browser and put a link here: <a href="https://heterogenoustasks.wordpress.com/2015/01/26/standard-patterns-in-choice-based-games/?fbclid=IwAR2cBcWMnl4CR8Fz678sLDv4O7pFhnczY4nV79v4H4ByXvVjKGbs7yp0SOw" target="_blank">link</a>. I think it's really fascinating, and maybe once I have the spoons for it I'll explore it more. <hr style="width:50%;border:1px solid #8876b5"> [[But is this fiction?]] [[So, is that it?]] ] (else:)[I think I'd call it interactive fiction. It's made in Twine, after all. I didn't even add any variables. There's barely any graphics. By all game definitions I know there's supposed to be some kind of challenge, and maybe some kind of rules in this. I don't think this has either. So not really? (set: $sawlie to "yes") <hr style="width:50%;border:1px solid #8876b5"> [[But is this fiction?]] [[So, is that it?]] ]

I think this is it. Thank you for checking in with me. [[The end]]

THE END <img src="media/images/ending_image.png" width="90%"> made by classheikki using Twine 10.05.2020 for Games Now! Online Jam 2 <3 (set: $playthrough to "yes") [[Restart?->Start]]

Is this fiction? You could call me an unreliable narrator, I wouldn't be offended, but I'm being quite honest. So let's say interactive non-fiction. Although that does sound like this should be informative instead. Unless your goal was to learn more about me specifically, I don't think that's the case. Interactive... diary? //Sidenote: I'm getting another game idea just from putting those two words together.// <hr style="width:50%;border:1px solid #8876b5"> [[So, is that it?]]

Uh, yeah. It wasn't a great idea, or maybe it was, but I'll never know now. Probably why I didn't make it. <hr style="width:50%;border:1px solid #8876b5"> [[Hmm. I still think you could have made a game.]] [[So, is that it?]]

I kind of started? I got the dog animated, background drawn. Look, I even did this design for it: <img src="media/images/doglifedesign.png" width="90%"> But then I got... I don't know, I only gave myself two hours time, and I felt whatever I could make in that time wouldn't fit my itch.io-profile and it would be embarrassing to show, because //technically// I had all week. I had a screenshot ready for the Discord and all, but then I saw someone else's amazing-looking shaders and I got, well... jealous. I know I shouldn't compare myself to them. But I do. <hr style="width:50%;border:1px solid #8876b5"> [[Why are you so hard on yourself?->Why is it so hard to believe yourself?]] [[It's still okay. You don't have to make a game every jam.]]

You're asking the really tough questions, and I really appreciate it. Look... Because I expect myself to be //exceptional//. I have to be supportive and nice to others, I can help others overcome their bad days, but I expect results from myself. New projects, better, more popular, more amazing. Always learning. Always trying something new. And have fun while doing it. Some kind of narcissism, or extremely poor self esteem probably lies at the heart of it all. (I know it's not good for me to listen to this inner voice, but it's so easy to just follow its orders) Anyways, it's now 2:47 and I'm getting kind of tired. [[So, is that it?]]

Oh, you actually clicked restart. Not really. Except... (if: $sawlie is "yes") [you saw I wrote there are no variables in this story. Because that's not true. So then you know I'm not completely honest in this. (set: $variablejoke to "yes") Maybe we can say you found the easter egg? Would that make it okay? <hr style="width:50%;border:1px solid #8876b5"> [[Yes]] [[Not really.]]] (else:)[ Well, I did put an easter egg here but you didn't take the right path to find it. You still can. I never reset the variables. (set: $variablejoke to "yes") <hr style="width:50%;border:1px solid #8876b5"> [[Okay.]] [[Why?]] ]

Display: ''easteregg.png'' <img src="media/images/easteregg.png" width="90%"> <hr style="width:50%;border:1px solid #8876b5"> [[So, is that it?]] [[Back to start->Start]]

Well, suit yourself, no easter egg for you then. <hr style="width:50%;border:1px solid #8876b5"> [[So, is that it?]] [[Back to start->Start]]

Oh, you actually clicked restart. Not really. Except... (if: $sawlie is "yes") [you saw I wrote there are no variables in this story. Because that's not true. So then you know I'm not completely honest in this. Maybe we can say you found the easter egg? Would that make it okay? <hr style="width:50%;border:1px solid #8876b5"> [[Yes]] [[Not really.]]] (else:)[ Well, I did put an easter egg here but you didn't take the right path to find it. You still can. I never reset the variables. (set: $variablejoke to "yes") <hr style="width:50%;border:1px solid #8876b5"> [[Okay.]] [[Why?]] ]

You would wonder that, wouldn't you. Semi-conscious design choice that stemmed from a mistake, aka. it's not a bug if it's made a feature. And for this particular game design, it's needed. <hr style="width:50%;border:1px solid #8876b5"> [[So this is a game, then?->Isn't this a game?]] [[Alright.->Start]]