Pickle Brain

You're in line at the local Beefy Boi, your favorite mystery-meat-providing fast-food joint. You've scanned the menu and picked out your second favorite meal, the Bad Beefy with a side of waffle fries. You're up next to place your order. (set: $anxiety to 3)(set: $hunger to 3)(set: $checked_menu to 0)(set: $saw_nausea to 0)(set: $saw_crush to 0)(set: $saw_fire to 0) Anxiety: $anxiety Hunger: $hunger [[Wait.]]

You wait in line while the person in front of you orders their Double Cheesy Boi with a Large Diet Bepis. They step to the side after placing their order. You are so engrossed in listening to their order that you forget your own and have to re-scan the menu again. (set: $anxiety to $anxiety + 1) Anxiety: $anxiety Hunger: $hunger [[Step up to order.->At the counter.]] [[Keep waiting.]]

You step up to the counter. Anxiety: $anxiety Hunger: $hunger [[Place your order.]] [[Make small talk.]] (if: $checked_menu is 0) [[Check the menu again just to make sure.]]

"I can help who's next," the cashier says. It would be very rude for you to keep waiting. (set: $hunger to $hunger + 1) (set: $anxiety to $anxiety - 1) Anxiety: $anxiety Hunger: $hunger [[Step up and place your order.->At the counter.]]

"Uh, yes, I'll have the uh, Bad Beefy with waffle fries, and uh..." you stammer. (set: $anxiety to $anxiety + 1) "Anything else?" the cashier asks, looking at you from under the standard-issue pink and green Beefy Boi visor cap. "No..." your mouth moves a bit faster than your mind. The pickles! Is it too late to ask for them to take the pickles off? You're allergic to pickles and your face swells up if you eat them. Plus they're gross. Anxiety: $anxiety Hunger: $hunger [[Try to ask them to take the pickles off.]]

"It's so nice out," you say. "Oh," says the cashier. "I bet." You realize they've likely been working all day. No sunlight. No breaks. Oops! (set: $anxiety to $anxiety + 1)(set: $hunger to $hunger + 1) Anxiety: $anxiety Hunger: $hunger [[Place your order.]]

Ah, that's right. The Bad Beefy with a side of waffle fries. Your favorite, and it's just inside your budget. (set: $checked_menu to 1) (set: $anxiety to $anxiety - 1) Anxiety: $anxiety Hunger: $hunger [[Place your order.]] [[Make small talk.]]

You open your mouth to request "no pickles, please", but nothing comes out. Your thoughts begin to swirl in the anxious void of your mind and it's almost as you black out for a second. Anxiety: $anxiety Hunger: $hunger (if: $saw_nausea is 1 and $saw_burning is 1 and $saw_crush is 1)[ [[Confront your anxiety head-on and ask.]] ](else:)[ You are faced with several intrusive thoughts: (if: $saw_nausea is 0)[[You feel a bit nauseous...]] (if: $saw_burning is 0)[[You wonder if you left the stove on at home...]] (if: $saw_crush is 0)[[You think the cashier looks a bit like your high school crush...]] (You will have to deal with each of these, in any order, before you can confront your anxiety.) ]

Ah, yes. A familiar feeling. A memory peeks up from [[deep in your past->Ms. Bobkowski's Third Grade Class]]. (set: $saw_nausea to 1)

Ah yes, that daily thought, burning in the back of your head. Did you leave the stove on at home when you left the house this morning? Has your house burned down entirely? Was your dear cat, Studebaker, able to escape safely? Did you remember to pay your renter's insurance or is everything lost in the horrible blaze that is consuming your home right this very second? Anxiety: $anxiety Hunger: $hunger (set: $saw_burning to 1) (if: $anxiety < 5 or $hunger > 8)[[You didn't even eat anything this morning. How could you have possibly left the stove on?]] (if: $anxiety > 8 and $hunger >= 2)[[Who cares? Maybe your house is burned to the ground. Isn't that liberating, in a way?]] (if: $anxiety >= 5 and $hunger <= 8)[[Try to remember if you turned the stove on this morning, much less left it on.]] (if: $anxiety > 5)[[Oh god. You definitely left it on. Or at least probably did. It's happened before, anyway.]]

Yeah, they definitely do. Same hair right down to the forelock dyed a pastel color. Same eyes. Same expression (boredom? intrigue? regret?). Anxiety: $anxiety Hunger: $hunger (set: $saw_crush to 1) Not the same person, though? Or [[are they?->Asking the real questions here.]] You remember the time you [[accidentally kicked them out of your birthday party.->Accidental goodbye.]] Or you can try to [[quash this thought entirely->Stare at your feet.]] and just stop making eye contact. (if: $anxiety < 6)[Or maybe you can try to make up for never really [[shooting your shot.->Oh.]]]

(if: $anxiety > $hunger)[ (if: $anxiety >= 10)[You turn on your heels and flee the building. You can never go back there again.(set: $hunger to $hunger + 10)(set: $anxiety to $anxiety + 5)](else:)[You grimace, stutter, and shake your way through your request before finally uttering the sacred words. "No... pickles..." You take your order when it comes up and leave, still sweating. You can never go back again. At least, not while that cashier is working...(set: $hunger to (round:$hunger / 2))(set: $anxiety to $anxiety + 5)] ](else-if: $hunger is $anxiety)[You are at a stalemate. You shut your mouth and take your order as it is. Leaving the restaurant, you open your sandwich and take the pickles out yourself, tossing them away with your wrapper.](else:)[Your hunger overpowers your sense of anxiety. You puff up your chest. "No pickles, please." The cashier actually looks kind of impressed. "No pickles," they say, and press a button on the register. A few minutes later, you take your order and head home. Another small win against your anxiety.](set: $anxiety to (round:$anxiety / 2))(set: $hunger to (round:$hunger / 2)) **Final scores:** Hunger: $hunger Anxiety: $anxiety GAME OVER [[Try again?->The Line at Beefy Boi]]

You're on your way up to your third grade teacher's desk. Ms. Bobkowski, a stout woman on her way to retirement. A gurgling emanates from deep inside you, and she turns to look at you. (set: $anxiety to $anxiety + 1) Anxiety: $anxiety Hunger: $hunger [[Ask her if you can use the bathroom.]] (if: $anxiety < 6)[[Run to the bathroom without asking permission, you rebel.]] (if: $anxiety > 6)[[Act as if nothing is happening.]]

"Ms. Bobkowski, can I..." you begin, before your stomach lurches. A heaving green stew flies out of your esophagus and coats the top of her desk. Aghast, she points to the bathroom. You turn, still spewing, and run, leaving a trail of yellow-green chunks betraying [[the pickle sandwich you had for lunch that day...->Try to ask them to take the pickles off.]] Ms. Bobkowski side-eyes you for the rest of the year, but your friends thought it was hilarious. (set: $anxiety to $anxiety + 2)(set: $hunger to $hunger -2)

You open your mouth to say something, then decide better and sprint to the bathroom. Most of the chunky, yellow-green mess ends up *in* or at least *on* the toilet, instead of the floor. Whose idea was it to pack you [[a pickle sandwich->Try to ask them to take the pickles off.]] for lunch, anyway? Almost no one is the wiser, though Ms. Bobkowski sends you home immediately. (set: $hunger to $hunger - 1)(set: $anxiety to $anxiety -1)

You shrug and turn to talk to your friend, Yoshi. You open your mouth to ask what he's doing (he's reading), but all that comes out is a chunky green spew, landing on your feet, his desk, and the book laying open in front of him. He's aghast and also a little green in the gills. You run to the bathroom, continuing to empty your stomach, and by the time you get there, your stomach is already empty. You lost a lot of friends that day, and became known around school as the [[Pickle Puker->Try to ask them to take the pickles off.]]. (set: $anxiety to $anxiety + 3)(set: $hunger to $hunger - 2)

The hollow pang in your stomach reminds you that you didn't even eat breakfast this morning. You rolled out of bed, having snoozed your alarm in your sleep, and had to run out of the door. You also forgot to brush your teeth. Ew. (set: $anxiety to $anxiety - 1) Time to [[focus on that sandwich->Try to ask them to take the pickles off.]].

It actually is kind of liberating, yeah. Whether you left it on or not, a few minutes to order yourself some food is not going to make a big difference. No need to return to the burnt out husk of your home [[Try to ask them to take the pickles off.<-with an empty stomach.]] (set: $anxiety to $anxiety - 2)(set: $hunger to $hunger + 1)

You're not sure... you remember making some tea, so you definitely used the stove. And you would have turned it off before pouring the water to steep your tea, right? Right? (set: $anxiety to $anxiety + 3)(set: $hunger to $hunger - 1) [[Right?->Try to ask them to take the pickles off.]]

Yeah, that's right. There was the one time you left the stove on and your partner came home during lunch to find that their cast-iron skillet was *burnt to shit* and smoke was filling the house. Somehow didn't start a fire or even set off the smoke alarm, but they were pretty pissed. Maybe that's why they [[left you.->Try to ask them to take the pickles off.]] (set: $anxiety to $anxiety + 2)(set: $hunger to $hunger - 1)

"Are you..." you begin to ask. The cashier cocks their head and you look closer. They are definitely *not* your former crush. But, just to be sure. "What year did you graduate? You look familiar," you say. Their brow furrowed, they give you a year but you don't even pick up on it. You're too busy wondering [[how things could have turned out this way->Try to ask them to take the pickles off.]]. "I don't think we know each other," the cashier finishes. (set: $anxiety to $anxiety + 1)(set: $hunger to $hunger + 1)

Ah yeah, your 16th birthday party, at the pizza arcade. You remember inviting a few of your friends, and of course, your crush, who you weren't super close to but who was friendly enough to accept. After having a pretty fun (but slightly nervous) time for an hour or two and getting absolutely crushed by them in Street Fighter 2, you decided to make a move. "Hey, do you wanna go?" You ask, stuttering. They took your statement at face value, and your sweating, stuttering, and generally red-faced demeanor as some kind of anger or upset. They thought you were asking them to leave. Because they beat you at Street Fighter 2? Who knows. They left and didn't speak to you again until graduation. Or, you avoided them out of anxiety and a sense of failure. Or both. Either way, it's actually [[kind of silly, isn't it? Kind of like this whole pickles thing.->Try to ask them to take the pickles off.]] You laugh to yourself and realize the people behind you in line are giving you funny looks. (set: $anxiety to $anxiety - 1)(set: $hunger to $hunger + 1)

Oddly enough, looking down has a calming effect. You notice a mustard stain on your shoe, and [[your stomach grumbles a bit->Try to ask them to take the pickles off.]]. (set: $anxiety to $anxiety - 2)(set: $hunger to $hunger + 2)

"So, uh, do you want to," you begin. The cashier looks at you expectantly. What were you thinking? You don't even know this person. And they're a captive audience at their job. You trail off. (set: $anxiety to $anxiety + 4)(set: $hunger to $hunger + 1) "Can. I. [[Help.->Try to ask them to take the pickles off.]] You with something?" they ask haltingly.